Be Bald

battaniyeli kel

I just created “Be Bald” photo series today. I felt pretty good. That is all matter right now for me. Feel happy and alive. I do not know how long I will live. Doctors have their statistics. According to statistics a cervical cancer patient ( stage 3B ) lives between 1-5 years. In my case they think I will live about one year. I think giving this data to the patient has no value at all.
What do you think I will do doctor? Put you in my will that now I know I will die within a year? Thanks for sharing but beat it!
My job is to stay alive. That is what I am doing. Eating healthy food, taking good vitamin supplements, doing exercise every day. I ride bicycle every night ( a stationary bike ) and if weather is nice I walk around parks. I have finished my 4th chemo 10 days ago. I have so far no side effects from my chemo drugs; I use combo of Avastin, Cisplatin, Taxol. Beside being bald.

I have been bald more than two months now. At first the image in the mirror was strange. It was me but all I could see a strange woman looking at me. Even though I wanted to be bald since I was in high school. Just because I lived in Izmir, Turkey, which gets very hot during summer and had long hair at that time. As well as I loved listening to this song ” Nothing compares to you “. I adored Sinead O’Connor, she was bald and beautiful. She has great voice. I wanted to be bald, I cut my hair very very short in one summer, when I was 22. It felt great. But it was not bald really. Now I am 45 and being bald, not my choice, just because chemo drugs makes you lose hair. I did not like the idea being forced to be bald. I decided to shave my head rather than watch it fall out. So I told my sister to shave my head. She did. In a week I kept staring mirror. I think first couple days I was at the edge of hating it even. Somehow it reminded me women who were running away concentration camp, Auschwitz or some other ones. Not that I know anybody who did, but I have watched movies, documentaries.
I have seen photos, images are powerful.
Our subconscious remind these images to us.
Such as Sophie’s Choice .
It took me a week to get used to my new image.
I was thinking about my own sense of identity, my confidence, my ego, mortality and femininity.
Most people think being bald is not beautiful, but I was never one of them. I love watching Sean Connery, Ben Kingsley, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, and a few more. I think some men more attractive being bald than with hair. I have seeing some bald models and they looked great. My late husband was bald, and he was handsome. My second husband is bald and love him without hair no problem at all. My dad is bald, he is a great guy. So, to love somebody should not be related to some hair at all!
Now it is my turn to be bald. Was I ready for this? Perhaps not but it happened. So I decided to move on. I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes. I had to keep thinking positive. I needed to learn to take care of my bald head. So I bought bunch of hats, scarves to keep my head warm. I even bought some wigs, then took photos of them for the fun of it. However I did not wear these wigs so much. Just because it is a lot of work to wear a wig. I have to admit it, is a lot of fun though. You can be any character you want. Choose any color, there is no limit. I have short red wig, black curly wig, purple long straight hair, short wavy brown and a few more. During the long chemo therapy treatment you should keep yourself in a happy mood. Not with drugs ( in my opinion anti depressant medicines are not the solutions ) but it should come within you. I think anyone has that potential even you have a cancer. You just have to work on it to come the surface.
I prefer being bald!
I choose to be happy. If my life is short, so be it, I will stay till the end as happy as I can get. Who knows will I stay a long time in remission or not? But at least I am in control. I demand for a good life, and for me that starts with a good smile.
be bald


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