Will to live

blood

Normally we do not ask this question ourselves. We continue to live however we are doing the way we do. At some point though, something might change, then the question arises in our mind.
Do I have will to live?
How strong my will is?
For many women that strong will comes with having a baby. A strong tie to live with another human being who depends on you. For men it could be an accident, a depression, a serious illness, loss of loved ones, especially a spouse or child, can trigger the question.

In my life I encounter this question twice. The first one was when I lost my husband back in 2000. He died unexpectedly from a heart attack on my arm. I was only 31, I lost all my hope to live. Everything was meaningless for a while. Time heals every sadness somehow. Even the pain still in your heart, you learn to cope. I created a new life for myself. I changed my job, I moved another continent. I learned to love, laugh and enjoy my life.

Then Friday I encounter the same question in my mind. This time, my feet were up in the air, a sharp object was cutting a piece out of me. A pair of Chinese eyes had concerned looked, a faint voice was saying “oh my god”. No that was not my voice. It was the doctor’s. He was suspected a cancer. He will tell me if it is or not on Wednesday after the pathology report comes.

At night I was thinking every bad scenario possible. How long I was going to survive? Am I ready to die? About 3 am, I decided to fight back. OK, I guess I am not ready to give up yet. I still like to travel more, I need to see Alaska, Australia, Yellow Stones and more. I need to take many more photos, ride my bicycle, create more graphic design projects. I enjoy setting up databases for my clients, designing websites for them. So I have a lot of plans. If this is a battle, I better get ready. I called my dad, my sister, my brother, my friends, and told them I might need support and help. What the heck, if they care about me, they should show it now, because I need it! Since Friday I have been reading a lot of cancer article. How to use medicines, what surgery is a good option, what herbal supplements can help to feel less pain etc. Whole painful world out there that I did not even know it exist. I guess if you do not have an illness, you ignore it, until it effects you or your loved ones. Then you pay attention.
So, I am working on my cancer metaphor. I am open to any interesting suggestions.
The term of cancer can be defined as; A term for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and can invade nearby tissues. It is cold, hurtful, even a bit scary term. So perhaps I should call it: aliens! Aliens? Do I believe in aliens? No, absolutely not. But I have to find some ridiculous explanation for this cancer problem. Therefore I can say I need to battle with aliens in me, in order to get better. Silly is in it? I do not have to think serious. If this helps me cope better, why not. Positive thinking as critical as taking right medication and having a good surgery. Oh well let me keep up with a positive attitude for a while. Deep in my heart I know it is good for me. At least till Wednesday.

blood

References:
http://www.usoncology.com/patients/Resources/GlossaryOfCancerTerms
http://www.cancer.gov/dictionary
http://www.genomichealth.com/GlobalPages/Glossary.aspx#.UkDhuGRgZ6Y
http://www.cancer.org/
http://www.cancerinformation.com/
http://berniesiegelmd.com/
http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2013/09/marriage-cancer-nagging-saves-lives
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/test_procedures/gynecology/cervical_biopsy_92,P07767/


To See entire 2 hr video visit http://www.createspace.com/204467 Dr. Bernie Siegel has spent 40 years devoted to cancer patients and their families. His alternative medicine practices have worked and statistics and studies prove it. This 2 hour program has helped tens of thousands to Fight For Their Lives — and to win that fight. To find our more about the filmmaker visit:
www.thehoffmancollection.com.

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